But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
