I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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