There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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