He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
