I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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