She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize