I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
