My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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