My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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