Duck Duck Cougar?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
