I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
