so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
