Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
