Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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