I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
