I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
