How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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