best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
