worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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