A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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