i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
