I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
