last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
