I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
