when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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