I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
