The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
