Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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