How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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