idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
