So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize