Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
