I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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