i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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