If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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