Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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