what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
