this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
