Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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