your parents love me but you hate me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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