So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
