Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
