So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she told me i tasted like america
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
