I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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