is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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