If that was your dad, he is hot
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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