Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
