She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my being single is dangerous.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
