I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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