Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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