You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
