I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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