mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
