Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
