Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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