gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
