I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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