woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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