That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize