she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
