Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
