Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
