I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
