Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
