Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
NoShamevember. You game?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
