i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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