4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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