my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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