So drunk, too bad you don't want this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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