1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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