so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
