You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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