so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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