and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
