my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
