that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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