You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
