So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
