Three words: puerto rican gang bang
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize