Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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