Where is the hickey?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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