you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
