Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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