All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
