So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
