So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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