just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
