I didn't shave. On purpose
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
