xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
