I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
