The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
