I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
